Mentally Insane:
I sit in my room all alone
Lights turned out, its dark
I feel like I'm swinging on a swing
In my mentally insane park.
My feet tucked up against me
Arms pulled in tight
I'm shaking as I realize
That I am certainly not all right.
I close my eyes
As tight as I can
I see the frightening face
Of an evil man.
People, places, things
They all run through my mind
I know I'm mentally insane
And I've went this way for the last time.
I now see blood
And a knife
I tell my self "Think
It will end all your strife".
I close my eyes tighter
And picture the gun
Then I think
"Hmm, might be fun".
So dont tell me
I already know I'm mentally insane
And now I'm taking the dark path
And traveling down suicide lane.
I want to make things
Slow and painful
I'm ready to do it
And to free my soul.
So I take the knife
Off the floor
And cut myself
More and more.
I see the blood
Run down my wrists and neck
I know I'll be dead
Just give me a sec.
I see the growing
Bright pool of red
As I sit
And watch it spread.
I look around but vision
Soon goes black
Now I have
My heart rate lack.
I finally know
That I am dead
And have ended life
With all of its dread.
I have actually
Ended all of the pain
Even though I was
Mentally Insane.
Voices:
The Voices,
They tell me to do it,
The Voices,
They're scary shit,
The Voices,
Made me tun to the knife,
The Voices,
Try to make end my life,
The Voices,
Fill my head,
The Voices,
Fill me with dread,
The Voices,
They want me dead,
The Voices,
They will me to do wrong,
The Voices,
They are strong,
The Voices,
They want my gun,
The Voices,
They want it to my head,
The Voices,
They want the trigger pulled,
The Voices,
They want the knife undulled,
The Voices,
Will make me kill me,
The Voices,
Made my life done,
The Voices,
They won.
As It Was Written:
As I hold the gun to my head,
My heart fills with dread,
There is nothing more to be said,
My finger gripps the trigger,
And your eyes grow bigger,
You plead for me not to,
If only you knew,
Knew of the cuts,
No if's an's or buts,
You look at me,
As if I were a falling tree,
Ready to explode,
Explode from within,
So I move the gun under my chin,
Ready to kill myself,
As It Was Written,
In my suicide note,
This is no joke,
And at that I pull the trigger.
Dead To Myself:
I have died,
Though I still strive,
I am Dead to Myself,
I am a downward spiral,
You may try to reach me,
But I am too far gone,
Do you not see?,
I want to die,
To cry,
To jump from the sky,
And fall to the ground,
And die.
I am Dead to Myself,
Wishing for thine death,
Praying for thy last breath,
And hoping it hurts,
I hope I get the pain,
The pain I deserve,
For all others' strain,
I deserve hell,
From where I fell,
Let the depression in,
Let the madness in,
And let my emotions run free,
Before I hang from a tree,
Allow my shell to wither away,
For nothing is inside,
I am Dead to Myself.
This may all be in my head,
The need to be dead.
The Suicide Life:
I want to die,
I need to feel pain,
And so I cry,
I am weak and scared,
As well as scarred,
How could I not see,
It was easy,
Until I cut to deep,
And my blood begins to seep,
Seep all over,
I was glad,
I felt the high,
I was going to die,
I don't recall living,
Only getting by,
This was a blessing,
I was winning,
I pass out,
I don't awake as they shout,
And they shake me about,
I deserved this,
A devil's kiss,
On my wrist,
I want pain,
A pain so feirce,
As if to break the strongest chain,
And thus crumble to peices,
Ending my life,
Ending my troubles,
Now my life is done,
This is now a game I won.
Let's Pretend:
Let's Pretend,
That this is the end,
That I'm okay,
There's nothing left to say,
Nothing to lose,
Nothing to gain,
Only my pain.
Pain is real,
In the absence of fear,
Let's Pretend,
That pain is good,
And death is great,
And all according to fate,
At this rate I'll be dead,
Found facedown in my bed,
Let's Pretend,
That someone cared,
And I was not just scared,
Let's Pretend,
That I want to live,
And have no life to give,
That I have no strain,
And wasn't so damn vain,
But then again,
This was all pretend.
These are all my original work. Perhaps now you see why I don't let many people in. Any sane person would run away screaming from someone like me. The sad thing is when sometimes someone wants in and I am too scared to hurt them that I don't let them in, and they get hurt anyway. But as all these poems openly expressed I am messed up, I'm crazy, and I'm depressed. I just pray that someone will try to save me from the shell that I've become.
~Lindsey
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