well.. i might as well tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth. i'm Lindsey Strozier, i'm thirteen years of age and i am not my eating disorder. i do have an eating disorder and i am trying to be more open about it, so step one: start a blog. i'm telling random people of my troubles over the internet. a new high. not really. as for my actual eating disorder i am ED-NOS a.k.a eating disorder not otherwise specified, i am anorexic and bulimic i guess you could say. hell i could even be a binge eater or have purging disorder, hell, i do. since grade four i've been self conscious because unlike other little girls i had put on weight and was at least a 32-B in bra size. so yes i was far more developed than most other girls. i weighed more and was taller. i felt so different. in grade five i decided to do something about it. i didn't want to eat so that i could loose weight, so lunches i spent in the nurse's office so noone could ask questions as to why i was not eating. but for a long while my weight stayed the same. in grade six i lost weight, a lot of weight. i went from 8 half stone (119lbs) to a little under 7 half stone (<105lbs). in seventh grade i discovered purging. i loved it. i don't know why. i love the way it felt, i love the way it makes me feel after.. i just can't describe it. so after i discovered purging i discovered binging. i don't really like binging though.. but i would binge so that i had a "justified" reason to purge. but i didn't only purge.. i liked restricting too. i liked that i was "strong" enough to go with out food. of course i had no idea the affect i was doing to myself and by the time i had health class i was to far gone. i was in denial, believing that there was no way that i was like those emaciated girts in the text book. but i was. i was exactly like them. then i started journaling, what i ate that is. the calories or fat grams or what i purged and when. i had all these weird rules about food and foods that were okay and ones that were forbidden to eat. my mother found this journal and freaked. i tried to explain it was simply a diet and she brushed it off. then one day i felt ill just a sinus infection so she takes me to the doctor and they weigh me and say my weight is down and i'm like hell ya! then the doctor comes in and says well she can go to the Atlanta Center for Eating-Disorders, or go to inpatient. and she lists off a billion inpatient places i'm just in shock and glaring. now a long time later i'm still at ACE (Atlanta Center for Eating-Disorders) and have started grade eight. i'm taking steps down the recovery road with times where i take a step forward and three steps back, as well as times in which i am stagnant so now i make no promises to me being progressive or anything of the sort.
SincerelyYours,
Lindsey
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