..well i just ate my dinner, about a cup and a half of granola and about a cup of fro-yo(: yummm.. oh and two extra strength laxatives. *cough cough* i know i'm so stupid! it's just that tomorrow is thursday and well i have a weigh in and i don't want to weigh more! and know i've been restricting and probably weigh less, not more. i'm starting to think that there isn't a cure, that the dream never dies, and just because i can cope, doesn't mean it's gone. i'm starting to doubt i'll ever get "better." i want to be pretty. i want to be attractive. i want to be skinny. me having BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) i see my self as SO very fat. which helps nothing at all. and on top of everything it seems like i'm being spread way too thin (no pun intended) balancing school and softball and recovery and hardly any social life. i have no time ever! and the time i do have i'm sleeping because i'm always tired! i'm either physically drained from softball or emotionally drained from ACE and school and then i can do absolutely nothing. and i'm still trying to build up the courage to tell some people where i disappear off to for like over two hours at a time. and i have shit to do and my computers about to die so yeahhh..
~Lindsey
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