wtf?..

..i'm still using symptoms and yet my schedule is being cut back again? okay that's cool. whatever. i had individual with Kelsey this morning and well i am keeping two groups, meal and transitions on Mondays. she hasn't been getting my weight recently so i'm thinking she doesn't know that when i say restricting i don't just mean like two bites of my sandwich left, and that i mean no food at all. and that it shows in my weight. i've gone since she stopped weighing me from about 108 lbs to about 102 lbs. okay so to most people that would be no big deal but it is because i lost that weight the wrong way and i know i did. i also know that i'm gonna be out of ACE before i can fucking know it too. and then we all know what will happen.. relapse relapse relapse. and now on top of it i'm doing shit that i haven't done in months i'm obsessively making food for other people and talking about food that i know i won't dare to eat. maybe i just haven't hit rock bottom yet, maybe i just haven't suffered enough to be through with this. fuck you Kate.

~Lindsey